Relationship Tips for the Married : 'Dos' for married life

1.Be Appreciative
Learn to commend your spouse's effort. It will lift his/her spirit and encourage him/her to do more.
2.Be open to each other
Openness ,or should I call it sincerity,builds trust between you and your spouse. Trust is a very vital marital ingredient because when it's not there can threaten or jeopardize your relationship. Secrets shouldn't exist between the two of you. See your spouse as your best friend and confidant. Feel free to tell your spouse your mind, how you feel. Share your views respectfully. Imagine what will happen when you are not open with your spouse; emotional and physical distance will be created between the two of you and a disconnection results. Distrust is built up and suspicions nurtured. When this happens, it can destroy marriages.
3.Communicate
My husband taught me about the power of communication and he sure knows how to communicate! Someone like me, I can just switch off when he makes me angry. Angry? Yes. It's bound to happen once in a while. You both are two unique individuals with differences, brought together under the umbrella of marriage, designed to complement and complete each other. So you are bound to have diverse opinions on a particular issue. This is where communication comes in. It creates an avenue for discussions and dialogue between the couple.

It also helps the couple keep in touch and keeps them from growing distant or apart. During our friendship, courtship and marriage, communication has been and still is a very essential part of us. It brings us closer and fosters openness between us. So keep your communication channel alive. It should never grow old.
4.Be faithful
You should be faithful to your spouse both physically and emotionally. You don't understand? I will explain. By being faithful I mean that you should never cheat on your spouse. Faithfulness holds a great spiritual significance in marriage and when you break this faith, you simply shake the foundations of your union. Unfaithfulness is the only grounds for divorce. This is a pointer to how important faithfulness is . Unfaithfulness can destroy in a twinkle of an eye what you have labored for no matter how long you both have been married. You can be unfaithful emotionally when you nurture in your heart feelings and desires meant for your spouse alone for another person. Do you remember Matthew 5:27-28 when Lord Jesus said,"..anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart."? So don't think you have to be physically down with someone before it's termed unfaithfulness . Before God, it's cheating and has similar destructive consequences. You may say it's safer since your spouse doesn't see your heart but don't forget, God sees! For instance, a woman who had been married for about 15 years harbors desire for another man. She deliberately entertains lewd imaginations with him in her head. This had gone on over the years and her husband would never even find out unless she tells him. And if she doesn't, this painful secret will die with her. Dangerous! Check yourself. Are you emotionally unfaithful? Don't allow the devil deceive you that you can get away with it. God demands purity from us not just physically but also emotionally. When your heart is pure, everything about you will be pure. Therefore, take care of your heart and your imaginations. Filter what you absorb because they have great influence on your thoughts. When you read sex, watch porn, hear sex,talk sex, you are bound to think sex, dream sex and definitely you will want to do sex.

That's the way it is. In all, keep your thoughts off any sexual fantasy that doesn't have to do with your spouse. Ask God to help you and He will. Always make a deliberate and conscious effort to keep God involved in your life.
Now about the physical unfaithfulness , it's when one actually cheats on one's spouse by giving his/her body to another. The physical consequences are severe. See our publication on 'Things you don't know that happen when you cheat on your spouse'. It discusses the implications of unfaithfulness. Thus be faithful so as to keep your marriage secure and uncompromisable. Faithfulness is one way to experience open heavens over your marriage. See 1 Pet 3:7.
5.Keep rekindling your sex/love life,deliberately
By deliberately I mean making a conscious effort to daily refresh your sex life. If you don't, it could grow stale, stagnant and stereotyped. Lovemaking becomes boring, less fun, less exciting and more of a conjugal duty rather than conjugal pleasure. So, it's up to both of you to learn how to please yourselves. When your desire is to please your spouse, it will be easier for you. I've already discussed this under 'Creative Lovemaking and Pornography in Marriage'.
6.Forgive. Tolerate.
Now this is indispensable . Forgiving, not bearing grudges and overlooking your partner's faults strengthens your relationship. Forget the past and look towards a brighter future. Know that neither you nor your spouse is perfect. You both have your faults. When you have this in mind, forgiveness and tolerance will be part of you. I'm not ruling out the fact that it is not easy. It's by God's grace.

I've known the first year of marriage to be quite turbulent . It's not sweet sweet all the way like most unmarried people think. Because both of you are just starting life together ,your differences will come into play. Note that courtship is different from marriage. Please enter your married life with this mentality in order not to get confused and you may even begin to think your spouse loves you less because 'activities' are no more as often as they used to be. You both may have your brawls but at the end of the day, forgive. Sometimes, a couple may opt for malice. They won't talk to each other for days going. This jinx can only be broken through communication. It's not easy but try. Tolerance is needful where you can't change your spouse. Overlook those differences and move on unless it's something morally wrong. Ask for God's intervention. Marriage has changed me in so many ways over these years and for that I'm grateful. There are so many things that I wouldn't have learnt if I never got married. I see God using it as a tool to shape me for the big future ahead. And this ought to be the same for you. Bear in mind that marriage is a learning process. No couple, no matter how long they have been married , can claim to be experts or specialists when it comes to marriage. Everyone of them are still learning to handle themselves and their individual differences. So don't think you are all alone. God cares. Open the door of your marriage to Him alone and He will help your limitations through His limitless and boundless grace.
We are interested in your opinions. Please drop your reactions and comments below. Shalom and God bless you!