IN WHOSE COMPANY ARE YOU?
Bad company corrupts good habit(1 Cor 15:33). But it takes a process for corruption to set in. It may not be automatic but as long as you continue to sit with the scornful, you will definitely become like one of them. It's only a matter of time. So, don't sit comfy and say, "Yeah, I'm born again, filled with the Spirit. I'm not gonna be influenced by my ungodly friends!" You sit pretty and enjoy their company and don't even make a move to tell them about Jesus. It 's a dangerous ground that you are standing on! The start of the corruption process is:
Step 1:Your nonchalant mindset.
Don't say it doesn't matter. It matters! If it was something to be treated lightly it wouldn't even be mentioned in the Bible.
Step 2: You become indifferent and tolerant
At this time your friends' provocative lifestyle no more irritate you. "It's their life...", you say and you simply flow with them. Do you not know that you friendship with the world is enmity with God?(James 4:4) Now that your guards are down,watch out for the third step.
Step 3:You get sucked in.
Now you are completely baptized into their fold. Like Lot, you've pitched your tent near Sodom and in a while you will make your abode within it's walls .
WANTING TO CHOOSE A LIFE PARTNER ?
I wouldn't know if I am expert but I have been there during these moments of indecision about the choice of who to marry. For me,it was relatively 'easy' because of the certain steps I took and I believe if you do the same it will work for you.
Step 1: Have the right mindset
You can never have the right mindset, the right outlook or perspective for the choice of of a spouse until you are born again. When you become born again , the way you think and act will change. As you keep studying God's Word, your mind is daily renewed (Rom 12:2). You don't see superficially anymore like the world does. You begin to understand, as long as you want to please God, that there is more ,spiritually more, to making a choice and making the 'right' choice. Now what's the right mindset? Know first and foremost that God loves you and wants you to live to the praise of His glory. Know that you are not an accident, you are here for a purpose and know that the life partner you must choose must fit into God's plan for you. If you already have this mindset, it will help you onto the second step so that you can do it the right way and not amiss.
Step 2:Are you praying?
The second step most important life decision after deciding for Christ is that of a life partner. Now don't think God isn't interested. He is because He knows the implication of who you choose to spend the rest of your life with. So please, don't treat it trivially. Before God, it's a serious business. It could make or mar you. Let's quote a very popular Bible verse before I go on,2 Cor 6:14 "Don't team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness?". We are not to settle for anything less than a Christian.I don't mean just a church going kind of Christian. I'm talking about a believing, practically living the Christian life kind of Christian. But how will you know this? I will soon show you .
When I became born again and filled with the Spirit, God impressed it in my heart to pray continually for the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with. It may sound funny. I was only in my first year in the university and still was a long way off from marriage. But as funny as it may be,I obeyed and earnestly prayed each passing day until it came to pass. So when he eventually proposed, I wasn't in confusion at all! I simply looked him straight in the face in the dark (we had taken a stroll out that night) and simply asked him, "Why me?". Now,before this time on my own, I had already assessed our relationship and I had a very strong conviction about spending my lifetime with him. There was no iota of fear or doubt in my heart concerning sharing a future with him! So when he gave me his reason for choosing me, I didn't dilly dally (like most women do!). I gave him a straight answer, "Yes. I will marry you.". Why was I so convinced and not confused? Follow me and you will know...
Step 3:The principle of abandonment
I love this part but it appears to be the most difficult. I call it 'abandoning my will to God. I know He has a purpose for me so God has to be in charge, not me.My part to is to yield my will to Him,to please Him in everything,even in marriage. Don't dictate to Him how you want your spouse to be. For instance, "Oh, I want him tall, huge, rich,...he must be working in an oil company, he must have a good car.....", and the list goes on and on. Do you notice how materialistic these demands sound? These things shouldn't be your criteria for choosing for choosing your spouse. Those who do end up making a big mistake. But when you have a heart like David, hungry to please God, then you will be able to set your priorities right. Forget about what you want and seek for what God wants. God can never mislead you. In doing this, you are plunging into God's special plan for you and at the same time, He will need you to take the next step.
Step 4: Trust GOD
Yeah! Believe with a deep conviction that God has your best interest at heart. Believe that the spouse He will give you is gonna be everything beautiful that will happen to your life. He may no have it all materially at first, but as you follow God's will in this, forgetting about materialism, the blessings will definitely follow. I'm not saying that you should then get married to a man with no steady job or income or no decent accommodation because you are 'believing' God. Please before thinking of settling down, a steady job and accommodation must be in place. So if you want to 'believe' God, believe Him to give you those things so you can make your wife comfortable enough when she comes. Believe Him that you will never lack and that together you will fulfill God's purpose for your lives. Put GOD first when making your choice and he will surprise you. The blessings will come as long as you have chosen to walk in the will of GOD.
These four steps worked for me and today, no matter the challenge I may have in my marriage, I don't wound up in self pity, neither do I regret being married to my man because I know I walked in God's will to choose him. There is no bias in God. Trust Him to lead you and He will.
ANY LIFE REGRETS? THIS COULD BE A REASON...
Have you ever done something that you regret doing in the past? I have. I regret passing up on opportunities because I confused my timidity for shyness. For instance, when I was in secondary school, I was presented with the golden chance of being the school's head girl. I turned it down. In university, someone walked up to me one day and asked, "Why are you unsocial ?" I merely smiled and waved it off with a few casual comments. I didn't take it to heart...as usual. That would not be the first time anyone would say such to me. I have heard it time and time again. I merely dismissed it as a figment of their imagination. Little did I realize I was hiding in the cocoon of timidity and unknown to me was bad for human relations. I didn't know my little charade puts people off. I was blind. When I look back at the opportunities I missed, opportunities I would have used to make an impact in so many lives in the past, the more I see how naive and foolish I was. Though unfortunately, I won't be able to go back through time to those days, yet fortunately for me, I've learnt and I'm still learning from this past. I regret not properly maximizing my potential because I didn't recognize the signal for a change when I got them. My shyness was my excuse.
But today, I see it differently. I wasn't just being shy. I was being timid. Shyness was just a milder and more harmless term for timidity. My ignorance played me. Thank God for His word. He opened my eyes to see and I saw that the spirit He has given is a bold and confident spirit and not a timid or shy spirit. It can pose as a hindrance when we practice our faith especially in relating with people around us. Do you remember 2Tim 1:7 that says, "For God did not give us a spirit of timidity (of cowardice, of craven and cringing and fawning fear), but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and of calm and well-balanced mind and discipline and self-control." Ever since I knew this truth, I worked to walk in it. Shyness had hindered me, put people off me, made me miss opportunities and now in the light of God's Word, I see it's God's desire that I be bold and confident. Our boldness and confidence should spring from the fact that we know who we are in Christ Jesus. If you have or are experiencing this same thing, rise up and discard that cloak of shyness. Don't let the devil deceive you that it is harmless. But you may ask,"How can I discard this? How can I take off this shyness mentality?".
Just start by making a deliberate attempt to. "...but be transformed by the renewing of your mind..."Rom 12:2 Look at that scripture and pray alongside. Ask the Holy Spirit to help you. Walk in bold confidence, no inferiority complexes because you are born of God. Be bold as a lion for your God is the lion of the tribe of Judah. So don't be intimidated by anyone or anything. You are meant to stand before kings and great men. Don't be shy. Don't be timid. Stand up and shine for Christ.
UNMARRIED LADIES:DON'TS FOR A PERMANENT RELATIONSHIP
After having laid out the dos in my other publication, it's only appropriate that I should spell out the don't s also. Knowing this will help guide your decision in settling down with the man of your dreams . Check these out, 3 tips:
Tip 1: Don't Lead Him On!
It doesn't make sense when a lady meets a guy and allows him spend both time and money on her, when she isn't even interested in him. Ladies love attention, I know. I personally love it. But we also have an ability to sense when a guy may be interested. He may even have told you severally about how he feels about you, so you are definitely in the know. Here's what is: don't deceive him if you don't like him just because you are enjoying the attention he's giving you.Don't lead him on. Stop wasting his money and time. Come out with it. Tell him you aren't interested.(You can just be friends if you want to). It's the right and respectable thing to do. Will you have to wait for him to propose and then say no to it thereby leaving him heart broken and full of regret? Doesn't it sound kind of wicked to you? I'm sure you wouldn't like it if a lady treats your own brother that way.
Tip 2: Don't Read Meanings where there are none
Women, our hearts can so easily be swayed by a man who gives us attention. I have a friend like that who loves giving women attention, not out of interest but out of courtesy. There are others like him out there and if per chance you happen to have one as a colleague, don't feel disappointed if he hands over his wedding I.V card to you tomorrow. Please please please, dear ladies, keep this in mind: If a guy has never come out plainly with his feelings for you, don't read meanings into his gestures!
You wouldn't wanna feel betrayed when he invites you to his wedding. Why should you, in the first place, feel betrayed? He never told you anything. You simply let your feelings out prematurely. I have heard such stories where a lady feels led on by a man only to be 'jilted' by a man who never even said "I like you." It's foolish. Ladies, let's wise up. God has a great guy for you out there and he will follow the due process to come get you. You are special.
Tip 3: Don't sleep with him
Now, this is the hardest part for you lovebirds. This is the point when you know he is interested in you or maybe he has even popped the question. This is a no no area. As a child of God, sex before marriage is not allowed! When you are in love with someone, it's natural to be sexually attracted to him. So to keep your love at bay, it's better you don't even start anything sexual with him. Songs of Solomon says "don't stir love'. You know why? Love is wild when stirred and it's difficult to quench once it's aroused. So don't go sexual just yet. It's safer. A little kiss can turn into heavy petting, fondling and then a full blown sex!. No matter how spiritual you are, you may not escape this. It is wisdom for every one who wants to please God and keep sexually pure till the wedding nite to simply stay away from sex. Also, keep from anything that would even lead to it. You both are in love and your desires are still so fresh and hot. It is indeed gonna be refreshing and rewarding when both finally get to explore yourselves on your wedding night without any form of guilt.
If a man who is interested uses sex with you as a criteria for marrying you, if he demands you sleep with him against your will, even if this guy is a youth pastor in your church, please find a way of escape. It's a sign he is not meant for you. A friend of mine once told me of a man who wanted to marry her. But there was a snag. He wanted to sleep with her by all means. She was born again and she also believed he was too but he wanted sex to be part of their relationship. I told her not to waste anymore time with him. He can't be the one. God can't bring such a man your way, who calls himself born again and at the same time has no regard for the God he proclaims. It's contradicting.
Well, I've really enjoyed this timeout with you. Do you have questions or comments? We are eager to receive them. They mean a lot to us and we will get back to you. Also write us if our write ups have been a blessing to you. Shalom and God bless you.
UNMARRIED LADIES:DOS FOR A PERMANENT RELATIONSHIP
Are you ready for a permanent relationship? Are you thinking of settling down and getting married? Here are three quick tips to consider while you are it.
Tip 1: Define the relationship
Don't be carried away just yet. When a guy begins to shower you with attention and gifts, keep sober and refuse to believe he may be interested. If for a lingering period of time he doesn't still come forth with his intentions, please politely ask him what he wants from you. Let your relationship be defined. Is he interested in you? Does he hope that one day he could put a ring on your finger? Or does he just want a fling or be friends? Too forward, you think? No. I call it being wise in order that you don't allow your heart be swept away by a man's charm only for him to 'disappoint' you.
When my husband and I started out, I simply didn't want to read meaning into his gestures just yet. Until he came out directly with his intention, only then did I open up my heart to explore the feeling I had for him. We will still talk more about this under the don't s for a permanent relationship be.
Tip 2: Be Friends first
Don't marry a stranger. Marry a friend. Things will be more easily worked out between the both of you in marriage when you are friends. You don't just meet a guy and rush into a romantic relationship with him. It's too superficial. You don't really know this guy as he is. Some people can pretend to be who or what they are not just to win the heart of someone they really like. But in friendship there is no pretense .
Friendship before marriage affords you both to get to know each other on a neutral ground ever before he even proposes. Even if you liked him from the first time, lock up your feelings, put them in check and just flow with him. Study him with your feelings checked, it will give you an unbiased judgment and resolution about whether you can settle down with this guy if he ever pops the big question.
Tip 3: Think on it
I was lying on my bed in the hostel when a question suddenly erupted in my spirit, "If he proposes to you, would you accept?" and I had an unfaltering yes for an answer. As a friend, he was wonderful.As a matter of fact, he was more than I dreamt of for a husband. I enjoyed all the times we spent together, our discussions. We shared our passions and hopes for the future. So when he finally proposed few months later, I had my answer ready. I didn't contemplate neither was I scared about the future with him. Why? Because I had thought it out under the Holy Spirit long before that day. I had had my answer intact for weeks before then! Does that make me cheap? No way. It portrays a woman who knows what she wants.
Thinking on this relationship like I did even if you like him, helps to prepare your mind and enables you not waste both of your times. I will still talk more on this later.
I really hope my tips will help in guiding you in making the right decisions. Your thoughts and comments will go a long way in encouraging us. So don't fail to write back to us. We are waiting. May God guide your thoughts, actions and decisions in this crucial time in the Name of Jesus. Amen.
YOUTHS: BEING SEXUALLY PURE IN A SEXUALLY EXPLICIT WORLD...HOW
Sexual immorality is one of the easiest sins to fall into and it can be enslaving too because it is quite difficult to break off from once you give in to it.Knowing that we are in a world full of sexual temptations and distractions, how can we overcome it? There's only one thing to do: Don't wait to be tempted. Take off! Flee! Like Joseph, run for your life!
If you have a heart that wants to please God and you ask if it's possible to remain sexually pure in a world that is now 100% sexually explicit, my answer is it's very possible. By human effort, no, but with God all things are possible. Job must have faced the same challenge so he said in Job 31:1,"I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a young woman". And that covenant of purity kept him. Before I entered the University, I made a decision to remain sexually pure even in the face of temptations that the University life will present.I used 1 Cor 6:19 as an anchor, "Don't you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself.." and I tell you, that word kept me even though I was naive and not yet baptized in the Holy Spirit as at that time. I saw myself in vulnerable situations severally, especially in my first year where there were guys who were ready to take advantage of naive freshers like me, but each time that scripture cropped up in my spirit to remind me of my covenant and to keep me. But when I became baptized in the Holy Spirit few months later, He made me stronger. So start by making a personal decision to remain sexually pure and back it up with God's Word. Make a covenant with God that you want to remain sexually pure, and by God's grace, you will. As a youth, this is the time when sexual curiosity is at its highest peak. Surround yourself with friends who desire to be sexually pure just like you. Because when you mingle with people who talk nothing but just sex, your thoughts and imaginations will mostly be sexual and it is only a matter of time before you bodily engage in it.
Sexual immorality has brought down even the strongest of men, so don't tempt yourself no matter how spiritually mature you claim to be. "She has cast down so many wounded and all who were slain by her were strong men." (Pro 7:26). Beware and keep focus. Don't think about it, fill your thoughts with God's Word. 'Remove your way far from her; do not go near the door of her house' Pro 5:8. Unlike a certain young man in Pro 7:8, who ventured close to the house of the prostitute, you should steer clear of everything that sexually defiles . It could be a movie,a novel, a friend. Don't look to the right or to the left but let your gaze be ever before you.(Pro 4: 25-27). With a heart thirsting for and trusting in God, ever searching the Scriptures , God is able to keep us sexually pure.
DEAR YOUNG COUPLES: WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW BEFORE YOU SAY I DO
Dear young couple,
I know you have painted a perfect picture for your marriage: The breakfast in bed, lots of fun, children, good food, loads of romance and …yes, lots of sex! How can I forget that. Lol.
It’s normal for you to dream of a stress free marriage devoid of marital brou-ha-ha. But sorry to say, that kind of marriage doesn’t exist. It only happens in fairytales not in real life. You have to be the one to create your own happily ever after. In short, it is wisdom to prepare yourself for marital storms for they will come. So please save yourself from surprises and read on. I want to disillusion you from certain things.
First thing you should know is this: There is no marriage without problems. When I say none, I mean none. Your first year of marriage may not be as sweet as you think. Now, don’t get me wrong. I will explain. And please I am not trying to scare you but to prepare your mind about what to expect so that when you see these things happening, you won’t be caught off guard and think that your marriage isn’t working when actually it is working perfectly.
Though both of you have become one flesh, you are still two different people with different views and mindsets. So there is bound to be friction and clash of opinions as your differences come into play even in the most trivial matters. Tempers will flare but at the end of the day, through tolerance, you both will find a common ground concerning that particular issue on which your marriage will thrive. Practice makes perfect. With time, you will be able to get over your differences more easily.
What’s happening is simple: you are getting to know each other better than ever(Yes, you may have courted for a very long time but marriage opens your eyes to things you never had noticed in your spouse before). You both are trying to fit into your different marital responsibilities, so it is a sort of discovery for you both because you are on a new terrain. So being new to the system, there are bound to be hiccups.
It’s left for you to choose to allow those hiccups mould your marriage or break it. So ultimately, the success of your marriage depends on both of you.
First year of my marriage, husby and I had our fair share of squabbles…lol. But over the years, we have come to know and understand each other better. I am not saying that we no more have our occasional arguments but we are adapting better and fitting better into each other’s lives. Our love and respect have grown stronger and deeper. Why? Because are passing through the marriage school. God is making us, moulding us into the kind of couple He wants us to be.
Thus, see your occasional marital issues as an opportunity to be a better spouse and not as an opportunity to divorce!
Nothing good comes easy. You have to work for it and bring God into it. A successful marriage is built on various ingredients (God, love, patience, tolerance, understanding, self control and trust), and like balanced diet, you need all for your union to function properly.
Now to the sex part. This is the part that gets the would be couple excited. Yey! Finally, you both are getting what you've always wanted: to be together without restrictions. Yes, you now have full access to your bodies, to have and to hold day in, day out. You probably imagine yourselves having sex every single minute of single every day! Yeah, that’s how overly stretched these dreams can be. Lol. Let me break the ice: it won’t be that way. Hah! It’s impossible sef.
Your love making frequency will reduce with time. It will reduce, not because your spouse’s love or attraction for you has reduced. No. It’s just a natural occurrence. Because as you grow in marriage, you begin to look for 'quality sex' not 'quantity sex'. After all you are both yours forever so why the hurry?
Finally let me reiterate that marriage is like wine. It tastes sweeter and gets better with time. Don’t give way under it’s pressure rather let the pressure be your building blocks to a successful married life.
Enjoy your marriage. Happy married life.
Bad company corrupts good habit(1 Cor 15:33). But it takes a process for corruption to set in. It may not be automatic but as long as you continue to sit with the scornful, you will definitely become like one of them. It's only a matter of time. So, don't sit comfy and say, "Yeah, I'm born again, filled with the Spirit. I'm not gonna be influenced by my ungodly friends!" You sit pretty and enjoy their company and don't even make a move to tell them about Jesus. It 's a dangerous ground that you are standing on! The start of the corruption process is:
Step 1:Your nonchalant mindset.
Don't say it doesn't matter. It matters! If it was something to be treated lightly it wouldn't even be mentioned in the Bible.
Step 2: You become indifferent and tolerant
At this time your friends' provocative lifestyle no more irritate you. "It's their life...", you say and you simply flow with them. Do you not know that you friendship with the world is enmity with God?(James 4:4) Now that your guards are down,watch out for the third step.
Step 3:You get sucked in.
Now you are completely baptized into their fold. Like Lot, you've pitched your tent near Sodom and in a while you will make your abode within it's walls .
WANTING TO CHOOSE A LIFE PARTNER ?
I wouldn't know if I am expert but I have been there during these moments of indecision about the choice of who to marry. For me,it was relatively 'easy' because of the certain steps I took and I believe if you do the same it will work for you.
Step 1: Have the right mindset
You can never have the right mindset, the right outlook or perspective for the choice of of a spouse until you are born again. When you become born again , the way you think and act will change. As you keep studying God's Word, your mind is daily renewed (Rom 12:2). You don't see superficially anymore like the world does. You begin to understand, as long as you want to please God, that there is more ,spiritually more, to making a choice and making the 'right' choice. Now what's the right mindset? Know first and foremost that God loves you and wants you to live to the praise of His glory. Know that you are not an accident, you are here for a purpose and know that the life partner you must choose must fit into God's plan for you. If you already have this mindset, it will help you onto the second step so that you can do it the right way and not amiss.
Step 2:Are you praying?
The second step most important life decision after deciding for Christ is that of a life partner. Now don't think God isn't interested. He is because He knows the implication of who you choose to spend the rest of your life with. So please, don't treat it trivially. Before God, it's a serious business. It could make or mar you. Let's quote a very popular Bible verse before I go on,2 Cor 6:14 "Don't team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness?". We are not to settle for anything less than a Christian.I don't mean just a church going kind of Christian. I'm talking about a believing, practically living the Christian life kind of Christian. But how will you know this? I will soon show you .
When I became born again and filled with the Spirit, God impressed it in my heart to pray continually for the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with. It may sound funny. I was only in my first year in the university and still was a long way off from marriage. But as funny as it may be,I obeyed and earnestly prayed each passing day until it came to pass. So when he eventually proposed, I wasn't in confusion at all! I simply looked him straight in the face in the dark (we had taken a stroll out that night) and simply asked him, "Why me?". Now,before this time on my own, I had already assessed our relationship and I had a very strong conviction about spending my lifetime with him. There was no iota of fear or doubt in my heart concerning sharing a future with him! So when he gave me his reason for choosing me, I didn't dilly dally (like most women do!). I gave him a straight answer, "Yes. I will marry you.". Why was I so convinced and not confused? Follow me and you will know...
Step 3:The principle of abandonment
I love this part but it appears to be the most difficult. I call it 'abandoning my will to God. I know He has a purpose for me so God has to be in charge, not me.My part to is to yield my will to Him,to please Him in everything,even in marriage. Don't dictate to Him how you want your spouse to be. For instance, "Oh, I want him tall, huge, rich,...he must be working in an oil company, he must have a good car.....", and the list goes on and on. Do you notice how materialistic these demands sound? These things shouldn't be your criteria for choosing for choosing your spouse. Those who do end up making a big mistake. But when you have a heart like David, hungry to please God, then you will be able to set your priorities right. Forget about what you want and seek for what God wants. God can never mislead you. In doing this, you are plunging into God's special plan for you and at the same time, He will need you to take the next step.
Step 4: Trust GOD
Yeah! Believe with a deep conviction that God has your best interest at heart. Believe that the spouse He will give you is gonna be everything beautiful that will happen to your life. He may no have it all materially at first, but as you follow God's will in this, forgetting about materialism, the blessings will definitely follow. I'm not saying that you should then get married to a man with no steady job or income or no decent accommodation because you are 'believing' God. Please before thinking of settling down, a steady job and accommodation must be in place. So if you want to 'believe' God, believe Him to give you those things so you can make your wife comfortable enough when she comes. Believe Him that you will never lack and that together you will fulfill God's purpose for your lives. Put GOD first when making your choice and he will surprise you. The blessings will come as long as you have chosen to walk in the will of GOD.
These four steps worked for me and today, no matter the challenge I may have in my marriage, I don't wound up in self pity, neither do I regret being married to my man because I know I walked in God's will to choose him. There is no bias in God. Trust Him to lead you and He will.
ANY LIFE REGRETS? THIS COULD BE A REASON...
Have you ever done something that you regret doing in the past? I have. I regret passing up on opportunities because I confused my timidity for shyness. For instance, when I was in secondary school, I was presented with the golden chance of being the school's head girl. I turned it down. In university, someone walked up to me one day and asked, "Why are you unsocial ?" I merely smiled and waved it off with a few casual comments. I didn't take it to heart...as usual. That would not be the first time anyone would say such to me. I have heard it time and time again. I merely dismissed it as a figment of their imagination. Little did I realize I was hiding in the cocoon of timidity and unknown to me was bad for human relations. I didn't know my little charade puts people off. I was blind. When I look back at the opportunities I missed, opportunities I would have used to make an impact in so many lives in the past, the more I see how naive and foolish I was. Though unfortunately, I won't be able to go back through time to those days, yet fortunately for me, I've learnt and I'm still learning from this past. I regret not properly maximizing my potential because I didn't recognize the signal for a change when I got them. My shyness was my excuse.
But today, I see it differently. I wasn't just being shy. I was being timid. Shyness was just a milder and more harmless term for timidity. My ignorance played me. Thank God for His word. He opened my eyes to see and I saw that the spirit He has given is a bold and confident spirit and not a timid or shy spirit. It can pose as a hindrance when we practice our faith especially in relating with people around us. Do you remember 2Tim 1:7 that says, "For God did not give us a spirit of timidity (of cowardice, of craven and cringing and fawning fear), but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and of calm and well-balanced mind and discipline and self-control." Ever since I knew this truth, I worked to walk in it. Shyness had hindered me, put people off me, made me miss opportunities and now in the light of God's Word, I see it's God's desire that I be bold and confident. Our boldness and confidence should spring from the fact that we know who we are in Christ Jesus. If you have or are experiencing this same thing, rise up and discard that cloak of shyness. Don't let the devil deceive you that it is harmless. But you may ask,"How can I discard this? How can I take off this shyness mentality?".
UNMARRIED LADIES:DON'TS FOR A PERMANENT RELATIONSHIP
After having laid out the dos in my other publication, it's only appropriate that I should spell out the don't s also. Knowing this will help guide your decision in settling down with the man of your dreams . Check these out, 3 tips:
It doesn't make sense when a lady meets a guy and allows him spend both time and money on her, when she isn't even interested in him. Ladies love attention, I know. I personally love it. But we also have an ability to sense when a guy may be interested. He may even have told you severally about how he feels about you, so you are definitely in the know. Here's what is: don't deceive him if you don't like him just because you are enjoying the attention he's giving you.Don't lead him on. Stop wasting his money and time. Come out with it. Tell him you aren't interested.(You can just be friends if you want to). It's the right and respectable thing to do. Will you have to wait for him to propose and then say no to it thereby leaving him heart broken and full of regret? Doesn't it sound kind of wicked to you? I'm sure you wouldn't like it if a lady treats your own brother that way.
Tip 2: Don't Read Meanings where there are none
Women, our hearts can so easily be swayed by a man who gives us attention. I have a friend like that who loves giving women attention, not out of interest but out of courtesy. There are others like him out there and if per chance you happen to have one as a colleague, don't feel disappointed if he hands over his wedding I.V card to you tomorrow. Please please please, dear ladies, keep this in mind: If a guy has never come out plainly with his feelings for you, don't read meanings into his gestures!
Tip 3: Don't sleep with him
Now, this is the hardest part for you lovebirds. This is the point when you know he is interested in you or maybe he has even popped the question. This is a no no area. As a child of God, sex before marriage is not allowed! When you are in love with someone, it's natural to be sexually attracted to him. So to keep your love at bay, it's better you don't even start anything sexual with him. Songs of Solomon says "don't stir love'. You know why? Love is wild when stirred and it's difficult to quench once it's aroused. So don't go sexual just yet. It's safer. A little kiss can turn into heavy petting, fondling and then a full blown sex!. No matter how spiritual you are, you may not escape this. It is wisdom for every one who wants to please God and keep sexually pure till the wedding nite to simply stay away from sex. Also, keep from anything that would even lead to it. You both are in love and your desires are still so fresh and hot. It is indeed gonna be refreshing and rewarding when both finally get to explore yourselves on your wedding night without any form of guilt.
If a man who is interested uses sex with you as a criteria for marrying you, if he demands you sleep with him against your will, even if this guy is a youth pastor in your church, please find a way of escape. It's a sign he is not meant for you. A friend of mine once told me of a man who wanted to marry her. But there was a snag. He wanted to sleep with her by all means. She was born again and she also believed he was too but he wanted sex to be part of their relationship. I told her not to waste anymore time with him. He can't be the one. God can't bring such a man your way, who calls himself born again and at the same time has no regard for the God he proclaims. It's contradicting.
Well, I've really enjoyed this timeout with you. Do you have questions or comments? We are eager to receive them. They mean a lot to us and we will get back to you. Also write us if our write ups have been a blessing to you. Shalom and God bless you.
UNMARRIED LADIES:DOS FOR A PERMANENT RELATIONSHIP
Are you ready for a permanent relationship? Are you thinking of settling down and getting married? Here are three quick tips to consider while you are it.
Don't be carried away just yet. When a guy begins to shower you with attention and gifts, keep sober and refuse to believe he may be interested. If for a lingering period of time he doesn't still come forth with his intentions, please politely ask him what he wants from you. Let your relationship be defined. Is he interested in you? Does he hope that one day he could put a ring on your finger? Or does he just want a fling or be friends? Too forward, you think? No. I call it being wise in order that you don't allow your heart be swept away by a man's charm only for him to 'disappoint' you.
When my husband and I started out, I simply didn't want to read meaning into his gestures just yet. Until he came out directly with his intention, only then did I open up my heart to explore the feeling I had for him. We will still talk more about this under the don't s for a permanent relationship be.
Tip 2: Be Friends first
Don't marry a stranger. Marry a friend. Things will be more easily worked out between the both of you in marriage when you are friends. You don't just meet a guy and rush into a romantic relationship with him. It's too superficial. You don't really know this guy as he is. Some people can pretend to be who or what they are not just to win the heart of someone they really like. But in friendship there is no pretense .
Tip 3: Think on it
I was lying on my bed in the hostel when a question suddenly erupted in my spirit, "If he proposes to you, would you accept?" and I had an unfaltering yes for an answer. As a friend, he was wonderful.As a matter of fact, he was more than I dreamt of for a husband. I enjoyed all the times we spent together, our discussions. We shared our passions and hopes for the future. So when he finally proposed few months later, I had my answer ready. I didn't contemplate neither was I scared about the future with him. Why? Because I had thought it out under the Holy Spirit long before that day. I had had my answer intact for weeks before then! Does that make me cheap? No way. It portrays a woman who knows what she wants.
Thinking on this relationship like I did even if you like him, helps to prepare your mind and enables you not waste both of your times. I will still talk more on this later.
I really hope my tips will help in guiding you in making the right decisions. Your thoughts and comments will go a long way in encouraging us. So don't fail to write back to us. We are waiting. May God guide your thoughts, actions and decisions in this crucial time in the Name of Jesus. Amen.
YOUTHS: BEING SEXUALLY PURE IN A SEXUALLY EXPLICIT WORLD...HOW
If you have a heart that wants to please God and you ask if it's possible to remain sexually pure in a world that is now 100% sexually explicit, my answer is it's very possible. By human effort, no, but with God all things are possible. Job must have faced the same challenge so he said in Job 31:1,"I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a young woman". And that covenant of purity kept him. Before I entered the University, I made a decision to remain sexually pure even in the face of temptations that the University life will present.I used 1 Cor 6:19 as an anchor, "Don't you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself.." and I tell you, that word kept me even though I was naive and not yet baptized in the Holy Spirit as at that time. I saw myself in vulnerable situations severally, especially in my first year where there were guys who were ready to take advantage of naive freshers like me, but each time that scripture cropped up in my spirit to remind me of my covenant and to keep me. But when I became baptized in the Holy Spirit few months later, He made me stronger. So start by making a personal decision to remain sexually pure and back it up with God's Word. Make a covenant with God that you want to remain sexually pure, and by God's grace, you will. As a youth, this is the time when sexual curiosity is at its highest peak. Surround yourself with friends who desire to be sexually pure just like you. Because when you mingle with people who talk nothing but just sex, your thoughts and imaginations will mostly be sexual and it is only a matter of time before you bodily engage in it.
DEAR YOUNG COUPLES: WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW BEFORE YOU SAY I DO
Dear young couple,
It’s normal for you to dream of a stress free marriage devoid of marital brou-ha-ha. But sorry to say, that kind of marriage doesn’t exist. It only happens in fairytales not in real life. You have to be the one to create your own happily ever after. In short, it is wisdom to prepare yourself for marital storms for they will come. So please save yourself from surprises and read on. I want to disillusion you from certain things.
First thing you should know is this: There is no marriage without problems. When I say none, I mean none. Your first year of marriage may not be as sweet as you think. Now, don’t get me wrong. I will explain. And please I am not trying to scare you but to prepare your mind about what to expect so that when you see these things happening, you won’t be caught off guard and think that your marriage isn’t working when actually it is working perfectly.
What’s happening is simple: you are getting to know each other better than ever(Yes, you may have courted for a very long time but marriage opens your eyes to things you never had noticed in your spouse before). You both are trying to fit into your different marital responsibilities, so it is a sort of discovery for you both because you are on a new terrain. So being new to the system, there are bound to be hiccups.
It’s left for you to choose to allow those hiccups mould your marriage or break it. So ultimately, the success of your marriage depends on both of you.
First year of my marriage, husby and I had our fair share of squabbles…lol. But over the years, we have come to know and understand each other better. I am not saying that we no more have our occasional arguments but we are adapting better and fitting better into each other’s lives. Our love and respect have grown stronger and deeper. Why? Because are passing through the marriage school. God is making us, moulding us into the kind of couple He wants us to be.
Thus, see your occasional marital issues as an opportunity to be a better spouse and not as an opportunity to divorce!
Nothing good comes easy. You have to work for it and bring God into it. A successful marriage is built on various ingredients (God, love, patience, tolerance, understanding, self control and trust), and like balanced diet, you need all for your union to function properly.
Your love making frequency will reduce with time. It will reduce, not because your spouse’s love or attraction for you has reduced. No. It’s just a natural occurrence. Because as you grow in marriage, you begin to look for 'quality sex' not 'quantity sex'. After all you are both yours forever so why the hurry?
Finally let me reiterate that marriage is like wine. It tastes sweeter and gets better with time. Don’t give way under it’s pressure rather let the pressure be your building blocks to a successful married life.
Enjoy your marriage. Happy married life.
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