mARRIED COUPLES: IS THE SPARK OF YOUR LOVE LIFE GOING OFF?
It’s so exciting to be in love. Wow! It’s such a powerful feeling. Your heart sings in the morning and you walk on air all day long. You wake up feeling good! And the thought of him…or her, to hear his/her voice sends the ripples down your spine in a delicious way. Yeah, I can see you nodding. You feel me, right? It’s a beautiful thing many people have enjoyed before the ‘I do’ ,yet this precious thing have been left untended by some for whatever reason after the ‘I do’.
When the spark is there, you just can’t wait to get home to him, to see him smile, have him hold you ‘protectively’ in his strong big arms. But like a plant left untended will die so will your love life die if you ignore it or take it for granted.
Marriage does not work itself out. It takes the two people involved to ‘deliberately’ work it out. I used the word deliberately because it is something that requires a conscious effort in order to produce results.
Couples get married, have kids (or not) and marital responsibilities start hitting them left, right and center: There are bills to pay, children to be catered for, business to manage etc, then they let the romantic side of their marriage die. When we allow ourselves to be choked by marital responsibilities and let the romantic side of our marriage suffer, marriage becomes cold, stereotyped, business as usual and excruciatingly boring. So we have to learn to balance the two because both are as important as the other. Having children around especially when they are still very young can restrain you from focusing on each other or spending quality time with each other but no matter what create time. There is always a way. That’s why it is deliberate. Make no room for distractions from family or friends. Allow nothing and no one interrupt your love flow.
Romance creates excitement and also enhances the couples love for each other. It keeps the union alive. So inasmuch as the couple make out time to spend with their children as a family, they should also make out time to spend as a couple, away from the usual family life wahala and the children’s constant whining just to be alone like they used to do before the children came.
So what can the couple do? When last did you steal away for a weekend getaway in a hotel away from the children? Or it could be a day off together, a dinner for two, a date at the spa or any other wonderful idea you may come up with. What matters is that you always make out time to be alone with your spouse, to talk, listen and flirt with each other *wink*. Have fun. Also remember to pray together. When God sees you both making efforts to enjoy your marriage, He will definitely lend you a hand and heal every area of your married life that may be suffering, even your sex life. It is God’s will that you enjoy your marriage not endure it.
*Waiting patiently to see your comment… yes you. *smiles*
PARENTS, PLEASE DON'T CROSS DRESS YOUR CHILDREN!
I saw this yesterday in another blog and the poster thought it was actually funny. This is the picture of a little boy, yes a boy, who was dressed to look like a girl. It got me worried like, 'why would any sane parent cross dress their child'? Is this not another 'Caithlyn Jenner' mentality in the making?
Tomorrow, when this little boy grows up behaving like a girl and wants a sex change because he feels he is a woman trapped in a man's body, they will claim he was 'born this way'. It's so wrong!
People who literally claim to be 'born this way' (homosexuals, transgenders, transvestites etc), who feel that God made a mistake, check out their past, something went wrong in their childhood. Some have been emotionally abused, raped, cross dressed etc.
So dear parents, it is really important what you do to your children cos it can influence their lives in later years. Right now is their time of flexibility, a time to mold and shape them for their tomorrow because those things are the things that will 'set' in him when he becomes an adult.
Below is the boy who was cross dressed:
LADIES: HOW TO KEEP YOUR MAN
Let me be honest with you ladies, there is no known way to make a man stay. So many people have tried different approaches, it worked for some and it didn’t for others. So I can’t come out and say, “Eureka! I have found it!”
I read about Toke Makinwa, the media personality whose husband was alleged to have impregnated a longtime girlfriend. Few weeks before the news came out, Toke was said to have spoken on the topic ‘how to keep a man’ without knowing that her man was definitely at that time having an affair. Was it that Toke wasn’t beautiful? Intelligent? Sexy? No way. I’m sure some guys dream about marrying a woman like her. Pity her husband didn’t appreciate her worth. So seriously, there is no known way to keep your man. Even a man’s strong love for his wife may not keep him from cheating. The physical things may work to an extent but there is how far it can possibly go in securing your man. All I can say is just do your part, like I will show you as you read on, then leave the rest to God.
Sometimes, we ladies do only the physical but neglect the spiritual. I believe that the spiritual controls the physical. Some things our men do is not just gonna be repaired by the physical things you are doing. It will take bringing God into it to make it happen. Because truth be told you are not guaranteed that after having done everything a good wife should do, that it is enough to keep his eyes on you only.
So keep at your part. Show him you love him and respect him.
Create that environment that makes him confident in himself. Men love their ego so enhance it by according him his due respect. It makes him feel good.
Value your man and learn to appreciate him. If he is going out to work in the morning tell him how good he looks, when he comes back in the evening , greet him with a smile and a warm kiss.
Be out to satisfy his needs. Men don’t play with their tummy and their sexual appetite.
Be his fantasies. Be creative in the bedroom, and in the kitchen as well. Try out new recipes. If you can’t cook, learn. Nobody, not even your house help or mother-in-law should cook for your man. Do it yourself.
Be active, don’t be lazy.
Be humble and submissive. It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t voice out your opinion on a matter but do it respectfully and don’t nag about it.
Love him. Give him your attention. Don’t just focus it on the children alone. Your husband is your baby and will always be so pay him close attention. Don’t make him feel neglected or you will be pushing him to seek attention elsewhere.
Don’t deny him sex. Even if you are too tired, either make him understand or just lie there and let him play. You don’t have to actively participate anyway. He will understand.
Put your man first and make your decisions with him.
Dress sexy at home (abeg not too sexy in front of the children. I didn’t send u o! Lol) Stop tying wrapper like mama Iyabo. It is also important to let you know that inasmuch as you should attimes dress provocatively when he is around for his viewing pleasure, it is also good you cover up now and then. It can make his mouth water as he imagines what you must be wearing beneath your clothes. You can still cover up and look sexy all at once. Yeah. That’s right. He is your man. Make him love what he sees.
Be neat. Smell good. Be in shape. Keep him tripping.
Be faithful to him and don’t allow anyone , be it your children, your friends, or extended family, take his place. He should remain your number one (God definitely remains the indisputable number one though. Your husband is the second).
Be to him a wife, a mother, a lover, his best friend, a confidant, his pillar of support, the shoulder to lean on. Make his heart rejoice at the thought of you. And after having done all these, never stop praying for him and your marriage.
Make God the foundation of your home . A faulty foundation can make a house sink.
So having done all the ones you can do, allow God do the ones you can’t because sincerely speaking there is no guarantee that after having done all the things a good wife can do and being all he wants you to be, that he will still not cheat on you. God is the only one who can guarantee that. So do you see why I said you need God in this?
*Hope you leave me a comment. I am looking forward to it*
WHAT DO YOU SAY TO YOUR CHILDREN?
Your children will provoke you once in a while, be sure of that. In anger, you may lash out at them the very first words that come to your mind. But before you do, pause. Think of the consequences of what you are about to say. Know this, that death and life are in the power of the tongue and those who love it will eat its fruits (Proverbs 18:21). Your words over your children can have great influence over their lives. So don't abuse that position but use your it as the child's parent to speak good into your child's life. Many parents have spoken wrongly to their children and ended up destroying the destinies of their own... in anger. That's how powerful your words can be. Imagine a parent telling her growing child:
"You will never amount to anything!"
"Stupid boy! You are an abomination and a curse to me"
"Crazy girl!"
"Fool!"
"You are a bad child!"
Sometime ago, my little girl was being so fussy. She whimpered all day and I hated it. Her cries and demands were unending. I got so angry that I blurted at her, "Shut up or I will beat your so hard you will regret your life!" Automatically, I knew in my spirit that I've said something wrong to my child. Immediately, I asked the Lord to forgive me.
"Lord, I'm sorry. I take those words back", and I believe HE heard. Even a statement as common as, "What is wrong with you?" , has a snag to it. Nothing should be 'wrong' the child GOD has given you. So instead of saying that, why not say,"What is right with you?"
Instead of "You will never amount to anything", say "You will surely amount to something." So instead of angrily throwing off negative comments on your child, stop yourself, swallow and deliberately say the positive. The same energy you dispense in calling them names and speaking negativity into their spirits is also what you use when you speak the positive. So why not maximize that moment and instead 'angrily' speak good into their lives each time. In that way, with constant practice, even when you are provoked, you don't allow your anger take hold of you at the cost of your child's future. As a parent, your words, be it a blessing or a curse has great spiritual impact in the life of your growing child. So, choose your words and use them well.
I have an attitude of speaking words of blessing over my children whether they are awake or asleep.I just lie beside them and declare,
"You are a Wonder to your generation. You are born of GOD. You are not an accident. You will live and serve GOD alone. Satan has no portion with you. You belong to Jesus. Your future will be great. Your life is beautiful. Before you were conceived you have been given to the LORD..." and I will keep going. I really enjoy this because I know what those words are doing to them. It shapes them. Like sweet honey those words drip and their spirits absorb them! Why not try it today and watch your children grow into a glorious future. Your words matter...
THINGS YOU DON'T KNOW THAT HAPPEN WHEN YOU CHEAT ON YOUR SPOUSE
Over a live radio broadcast, opinions were sampled from men on why they cheat on their wives. One said there was something pleasurable about cheating and adventurous about facing the risk of being caught. Another quipped that variety is sweet. That he gets bored easily sleeping with just one woman. The other said that it's natural for men to cheat. And you, what do you think? Do you think cheating is fun? Well, it won't be much fun to you anymore once you find out the implications of it. I know some people will just laugh at this and say, "Serious? What implications? If there were, why is 'everyone' doing it?". I remember discussing with a young lady who was soon to be married and she told me her unshakeable convictions about all men being cheats. She said she was okay with it as long as her husband doesn't bring his concubines into their house to share her home. And from the opinions that I have sampled in the past,most women share this thought, unfortunately even among Christians. The world has this notion that it's normal for men to cheat. Akon, a popular secular artist, said exactly the same thing sometime ago. I disagree. I refuse to accept this devilish mentality, this seed of lies that the devil has planted in so many hearts. Men are not born cheaters. Not all men cheat. At least I speak out of experience(Wow! it's so good to know Christ!). There are still men out there that stand out. They are faithful to their spouses. So why should you settle for anything less by accepting the lie? Faithfulness brings blessings into your home and cheating brings curse. Stay with me a bit and I will expatiate.
Sexual Immorality is like a strange woman dressed as a harlot(indecently) with a crafty or deceptive heart. She is loud and rebellious, wandering around and lurking in every corner. She has a seductive tongue and body language. She lures you with the wonders and intrigues of sex; of how beautiful and heavenly the experience will be. Listening to her lies, you are blinded from the repercussions of what will happen as soon as you give in to her flirtation. Pro 7:21,22 "With her enticing speech she caused him to yield, with flattering lips, she seduced him. He immediately went after her as an ox goes to the slaughter...".
At the that time when you are tempted, your whole body and emotions are crying, "Go!Go!Go! Just do it and be over with it.There's no harm in enjoying it this one time. 5 minutes and you are done. God is merciful. He will understand, after all body no be wood.", and your hormones are raging for gratification.Have you ever been at this point? Sex is so easy to give in to but in the end it leaves you stained and full of regret.So the best way to avoid sexual immorality to stay away from it. Sexual immorality (Pro 5:9-13) steals your honor and gives the remainder of your life to the cruel one. Strangers will obtain your wealth and you will become a slave of foreigners. Afterwards, you groan in anguish and shame when syphilis(disease) consumes your body and you say, "Oh, if only I had listened!...". It reduces you to nothing because it preys on your precious life. By engaging in sexual immorality you have only achieved in destroying your own soul. You will get wounds and dishonor. You will be guilty and your reproach will not be wiped away. "Till an arrow struck his liver...he didn't know it would cost him his life...her house is the way to hell, descending to the chambers of death." Pro 7:22,27.
To overcome, do not lust after her beauty in your heart (don't even imagine or desire it). Don't let her allure you with her eye lids(don't allow her seduce you to sin). A certain stupid young man in Pro 7 strayed close to her house and 'there' she met him. This stupid young man had no understanding. He put himself in a vulnerable position 'there' thereby making himself an easy prey to sexual sin. If this young man didn't go down that road, he would never have been tempted neither would he have fallen for it. But the first mistake he made was to venture close.To keep the strange woman far from you, walk in understanding by hiding God's Word in your heart. It will keep and counsel you. Stay away from anything (books, mags, internet etc) and anyone that poses as a potential highway to the harlot. Have nothing to do with her. You may ask, "How possible is it to keep away from her when she is everywhere?" or "Is it possible to be sexually pure in our world today?". It is absolutely possible to keep away from sex and it's possible to be sexually pure. Pro 4:23, "Above all else,guard your affections...stay away from her. Look straight ahead." Also 5:8&9, "Run from her! Don't go near her house lest you fall to her temptation...". A large part of overcoming sexual sin depends on you.
But you can't do it alone. You need God. Discipline can't keep you from it. You are a human with limitations. Take advantage of the limitless grace of God through Jesus. Also surround your self with friends of like minds.
When you all share your various individual challenges, how you all have overcome it and even the mistakes you have made, you are encouraged in this purity walk.
Pro 6:27,28 "Can a man take fire in his bosom and his clothes not be burned? Can one walk on hot coals, and his feet not seared?". If your answer is no, then it's not possible for you to cheat on your spouse and go free.
WHY MARRIAGES DON'T LAST? THESE COULD BE THE REASONS...
Marriage is a very serious issue. So before you step into it, stop and answer the questions below. It will help you know how ready you are to go the extra mile.
One: Are you getting married for superficial reasons?
When you choose your spouse based on wealth, beauty, fame , affluence or just to be happy, then you will be building on a very shaky ground. These things are temporary and there is no assurance that they will last forever. Even if they do, it's in only in marriage that you will discover how foolish your choice had been.That those qualities didn't matter at all. They don't keep you married. If you choose a man because he is rich or a woman because she is beautiful, or due to her figure, then you will be making a huge marital mistake. If those things mattered, Jennifer Lopez, for example, would stay married. But she had kept going in and out of marriages. Is that not enough reason to choose carefully and wisely? Now when you depend on these outward features for the choice of a life partner, when they go, so will your love because your love isn't deeply rooted but rather it is based on what the person has or don't have. Those things are transient objects which can be here today and gone tomorrow. But choosing your spouse based on inner attributes which last and even go a long way in sustaining the union is what is needful at this point. Like God, don't get impressed by what you see on the outside. It's very true that as humans our first attraction is what we see. It's OK. You've seen her and you like her, get closer to know her. Is her beauty merely a camouflage of what she really is? Don't get distracted by his fame or her beauty just yet. Discover the real person inside because if you allow yourself to be swayed or misguided by the outside, it will take you just few minutes into married life to regret it. So save your self that stress.
Two: Are you entering married life with the wrong mentality?
It's important you get your mentality right before stepping into marriage else you'd learn it the hard way(like most people do). It's so easy for an unmarried person to dream of a perfect, bliss-all-the-way kind of marriage and forget that marriage, just like life, comes with its own challenges that tend to rock it either to a stand still, to a breaking point or to a higher level, depending on how you tackle it. Now when you get married with this sort of mentality where you think that married life is like courtship, you will get the greatest disappointment of your life. Marriage is a bitter sweet experience. It's not gonna be sweet all the way. Troubles will come. Your differences will come into play but what matters is how you both will be able to handle them. Doting activities may not even be as frequent as it used to be when you were courting, but take heart. It's not a sure sign that he/she loves you less. But all in all, don't neglect doting on your spouse if the spark must be retained.
Three: Are you entering into married life with a sense of purpose?
Sorry to say this, but 'love' is not enough to stay married. It's one thing to get married and it's another thing to stay married. If sexual love was enough, we wouldn't be having this high rate of divorce.Remember that these people who are divorced today got married because they were in love, so what happened?
Marriage trains us. It builds us. Marriage makes us more matured and responsible. It opens our eyes to see that sexual love isn't just enough for a couple to stay married. For a union to last it must be garnished with unconditional love(the God-kind of love that loves one without reason), tolerance (over looking your spouse's faults)and forgiveness.Ever wondered why the spate of divorce between two people who appeared so in love calling off their marriage 2 weeks, 7 months or a year later? There is much more to marriage.People tend to work so hard in retaining their relationship in courtship and then become lax about it when they get married. Now that they are committed in marriage, distractions set in,opinions clash, views differ and arguments breakout and when they fail to reach a compromise, they separate due to 'irreconcilable differences'. Funny? Marriage isn't easy.
It only gets easier over the years when you both begin to cement your relationship with forgiveness, tolerance and unconditional love, with God as the foundation of your union. Let me tell you: every marriage suffers 'differences' because you and your spouse are totally two different people that see things differently. But armed with 'Forgiveness Tolerance Love' and putting them into use, you can reconcile your differences to suit you both.Talk it through. Pray it through. Work it through. Note that all of these are deliberate actions and conscious efforts. Marriage doesn't build itself, it will take not one but the two of you to make it work. So enter marriage with a sense of purpose. When two spiritually compatible people are drawn together in love, a sense of purpose become their crowning glory. And what's this sense of purpose? It's knowing that marriage is beyond just having children, building a home and living happily forever after. No. It's bearing in mind that both of you were brought together, not by accident but by God's design, for a reason. Since two heads are better than one, together God has united you both in marriage that you will be a great force for Him on earth. There is a divine assignment you both ought to accomplish as one.
So don't be quick to think divorce when those troubles come.They will come but don't run away. Face them. Don't give the devil the pleasure of gloating over another broken marriage, making marriage look like a farce, unimportant and a sheer waste of time. The general analogy that marriage is a prison where people who are inside want to come out and those outside want to go in is a satanic lie. Marriage is beautiful and it is meant to last forever. Don't forget, God instituted marriage and He hates divorce.
RELATIONSHIP TIPS FOR THE MARRIED: DON'T S
1. Don't get familiar with your spouse
Is this a surprising comment to make? I will clarify myself. Have you heard of the adage that familiarity breeds contempt? It's natural for a couple to get familiar with their bodies, activities and behaviors. But don't let it get in the way of how you treat or regard your spouse. Don't stop studying your partner. Don't stop wooing your spouse. Learn something new about him/her everyday. It will keep you from taking your spouse for granted and make you begin to devalue them. But do you know that one doesn't know the value of what one has until one has lost it? Let this not be your story. Daily studying your spouse keeps you interested in him/her and makes you discover better ways to satisfy them. It's just like our relationship with God. No matter how long we have been in our relationship with Him through Christ, we should never get familiar with God. If you do, you will begin to take certain things about Him for granted. You begin to disrespect and undermine Him and clearly it will affect your relationship Him. So it is between a man and his wife.
2. Don't compare your spouse with another
This could be quite a common problem in marriages where a woman, for instance, may be comparing her husband with that of her friend."Oh! If only he can be like so so so...". So everything he now does,you weigh it against the other guy. You begin to become less appreciative of his efforts and feel antagonistic towards him. Really this can be frustrating for your spouse. You don't even notice all his efforts to make you happy. Why? You have been blinded by another so nothing he does will ever be good enough. Remember your spouse is unique. Two people can never be the same. The way he demonstrates his love and feelings may not be the same for your friend's husband. Paul said, " When they compare themselves with one another, they are most foolish... " 2 Cor 10:12. Comparison limits your spouse and overlays all the wonderful things about him. Do not forget the person you compare him with is imperfect, having his own personal issues that you don't even know about. Christ is the measure,the standard, the perfect man. So love your spouse as he/she is. Accept him/her and appreciate the unique way he/her shows his/her love for you. Don't be surprised that even your friend whom you were wishing for your husband to be more like hers, is nurturing the same thoughts for your husband. Funny, isn't it? But that is life. You will misjudge when you judge from a distance. Get close and you will see the person as he is and you may not really like him what you see. Then your eyes will be opened to the futility of such comparisons. No marriage or couple is perfect. They have their own unique challenges but the question is: how do you handle them?
RELATIONSHIP TIPS FOR THE MARRIED: DOS
1.Be Appreciative
Learn to commend your spouse's effort. It will lift his/her spirit and encourage him/her to do more.
2.Be open to each other
Openness ,or should I call it sincerity,builds trust between you and your spouse. Trust is a very vital marital ingredient because when it's not there can threaten or jeopardize your relationship. Secrets shouldn't exist between the two of you. See your spouse as your best friend and confidant. Feel free to tell your spouse your mind, how you feel. Share your views respectfully. Imagine what will happen when you are not open with your spouse; emotional and physical distance will be created between the two of you and a disconnection results. Distrust is built up and suspicions nurtured. When this happens, it can destroy marriages.
3.Communicate
My husband taught me about the power of communication and he sure knows how to communicate! Someone like me, I can just switch off when he makes me angry. Angry? Yes. It's bound to happen once in a while. You both are two unique individuals with differences, brought together under the umbrella of marriage, designed to complement and complete each other. So you are bound to have diverse opinions on a particular issue. This is where communication comes in. It creates an avenue for discussions and dialogue between the couple.
It also helps the couple keep in touch and keeps them from growing distant or apart. During our friendship, courtship and marriage, communication has been and still is a very essential part of us. It brings us closer and fosters openness between us. So keep your communication channel alive. It should never grow old.
4.Be faithful
You should be faithful to your spouse both physically and emotionally. You don't understand? I will explain. By being faithful I mean that you should never cheat on your spouse. Faithfulness holds a great spiritual significance in marriage and when you break this faith, you simply shake the foundations of your union. Unfaithfulness is the only grounds for divorce. This is a pointer to how important faithfulness is . Unfaithfulness can destroy in a twinkle of an eye what you have labored for no matter how long you both have been married. You can be unfaithful emotionally when you nurture in your heart feelings and desires meant for your spouse alone for another person. Do you remember Matthew 5:27-28 when Lord Jesus said,"..anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart."? So don't think you have to be physically down with someone before it's termed unfaithfulness . Before God, it's cheating and has similar destructive consequences. You may say it's safer since your spouse doesn't see your heart but don't forget, God sees! For instance, a woman who had been married for about 15 years harbors desire for another man. She deliberately entertains lewd imaginations with him in her head. This had gone on over the years and her husband would never even find out unless she tells him. And if she doesn't, this painful secret will die with her. Dangerous! Check yourself. Are you emotionally unfaithful? Don't allow the devil deceive you that you can get away with it. God demands purity from us not just physically but also emotionally. When your heart is pure, everything about you will be pure. Therefore, take care of your heart and your imaginations. Filter what you absorb because they have great influence on your thoughts. When you read sex, watch porn, hear sex,talk sex, you are bound to think sex, dream sex and definitely you will want to do sex.
That's the way it is. In all, keep your thoughts off any sexual fantasy that doesn't have to do with your spouse. Ask God to help you and He will. Always make a deliberate and conscious effort to keep God involved in your life.
Now about the physical unfaithfulness , it's when one actually cheats on one's spouse by giving his/her body to another. The physical consequences are severe. See our publication on 'Things you don't know that happens when you cheat on you spouse'. It discusses the implications of unfaithfulness. Thus be faithful so as to keep your marriage secure and uncompromisable. Faithfulness is one way to experience open heavens over your marriage. See 1 Pet 3:7.
5.Keep rekindling your sex/love life,deliberately
By deliberately I mean making a conscious effort to daily refresh your sex life. If you don't, it could grow stale, stagnant and stereotyped. Lovemaking becomes boring, less fun, less exciting and more of a conjugal duty rather than conjugal pleasure. So, it's up to both of you to learn how to please yourselves. When your desire is to please your spouse, it will be easier for you. I've already discussed this under 'Creative Lovemaking and Pornography in Marriage'.
6.Forgive. Tolerate.
Now this is indispensable . Forgiving, not bearing grudges and overlooking your partner's faults strengthens your relationship. Forget the past and look towards a brighter future. Know that you nor your spouse is perfect. You both have your faults. When you have this in mind, forgiveness and tolerance will be part of you. I'm not ruling out the fact that it is not easy. It's by God's grace.
I've known the first year of marriage to be quite turbulent . It's not sweet sweet all the way like most unmarried people think. Because both of you are just starting life together ,your differences will come into play. Note that courtship is different from marriage. Please enter your married life with this mentality in order not to get confused and you may even begin to think your spouse loves you less because 'activities' are no more as often as they used to be. You both may have your brawls but at the end of the day, forgive. Sometimes, a couple may opt for malice. They won't talk to each other for days going. This jinx can only be broken through communication. It's not easy but try. Tolerance is needful where you can't change your spouse. Overlook those differences and move on unless it's something morally wrong. Ask for God's intervention. Marriage has changed me in so many ways over these years and for that I'm grateful. There are so many things that I wouldn't have learnt if I never got married. I see God using it as a tool to shape me for the big future ahead. And this ought to be the same for you. Bear in mind that marriage is a learning process. No couple, no matter how long they have been married , can claim to be experts or specialists when it comes to marriage. Everyone of them are still learning to handle themselves and their individual differences. So don't think you are all alone. God cares. Open the door of your marriage to Him alone and He will help your limitations through His limitless and boundless grace.
We are interested in your opinions. Please drop your reactions and comments below. Shalom and God bless you!
CREATIVE LOVEMAKING AND PORNOGRAPHY IN MARRIAGE
Love making is so important in marriage. It helps in bonding, deep intimacy and even in a spiritual connection between a man and his wife. It's a special unique way for them to express what they feel for each other, the love, the passion, the desire. Not only is it for procreation , it's also God-given for pleasure. Since sex is really important in nurturing and fostering married love, I'm absolutely sure it's God's design that married couples shouldn't be stereotyped , that is, doing the same thing over and over each time they meet. Be versatile !Be creative! Creativity makes life less boring. When your sex life becomes stereotyped , it becomes a ritualistic ,business-as-usual kind of relationship . It loses its flare and excitement. It becomes for the couple, more or less an obligation rather than a bliss.God wants you to enjoy every aspect of your married life. He wants you to enjoy each other and pour out your love on each other without any restraints .
As a child of God, make no mistake of resorting to pornographic movies or materials as a tool to boost your sex life. Someone once complained to me about how boring his sex life was with his wife. He wondered if he should opt for pornographic movies. I told him never to try it. Pornography is a no go area even if you intend to watch it with your spouse. It's never an option in Christian marriage affairs. How do you think the Lord would feel if he walks into your sitting room and sees you and your spouse watching a pornographic movie? Do you think he'd be pleased? If not for anything, why should you a Christian choose to be tutored by worldly people in the intimate acts marriage? It's pure foolishness. I believe the Holy Spirit is able to teach us everything we need to know about having fun in love making.How do I know this? I will tell you in just a moment. Years ago, while in the University, I had a room mate who said, " Sex is so dirty! So vulgar! How can God be in it?" Sex is not dirty. It's only dirty when it involves two unmarried people. God innovated sex to be between two married people as a way to celebrate their sexual love for each other. Now if God created sex, don't you think He is able to teach you variety of ways to make love making fun?
Sex is a sacred, intimate and a private occurrence between a man and his wife. It's not something meant for public display but simply for the mutual pleasure of the couple. Pornography as such violates this principle of sacredness and privacy. Not only that, it's pure fornication since the people involved aren't even married. They have a common goal of satisfying their unbridled lust. So as you sit down to be entertained by these people, you also partake in their lust and their sin of sexual immorality.
Pornography has its implications.
-It can create in you an unbridled appetite for sexual pleasure and lust.
-It can push you into masturbation and sexual immorality. Remember this that sex is not only committed with the body, it can also be committed in the heart.
-It makes you to cheat on your spouse. Personally,I consider it unfaithfulness or cheating for a spouse to be engaged in pornography. Why? Because he is being aroused by a strange woman simply by watching it.
-It quenches the Spirit and fills you with guilt.
-It is addictive. The more you watch it, the more you want to continue even when you know it's not right and desire to break away from it. I have heard stories of married people addicted to porn. Kirk Franklin, the popular gospel musician was once severely addicted to porn. But thank God for his deliverance. Kirk Franklin was just one among many Christians who are secretly addicted to pornography . I hope in future, as God inspires us ,that we will be able to share how we can break out of this addiction. Satan has used it to enslave so many people. But God is able to deliver you if you allow Him. I know that first step to breaking from porn addiction is for you to desire to break away from it.
Pornography is simply wrong, ungodly and demonic. As much as you indulge in it, it possesses your faculties and fills you with sexual fantasies. So ,don't think to spice up your sex life by watching porn. You don't have to be tutored by porn when, in reality, most of it are just make believe in the bid to satisfy the world's crazy sexual fantasies! And when possibly your spouse doesn't meet up with the kind of sex you've seen in the make belief porn movies, you want to look for it elsewhere outside your marriage. It creates an overwhelming, near insatiable craving within you and enslaves you. Remember that one is a slave to that which overcomes him(2 Pet 2:19).
Here's what to do:Get busy! Read books, browse the internet on sex in Christian marriages. Get to know the different sex positions and how to please your spouse in bed. Follow the acceptable Christian principles in garnishing your love making. Let your spouse alone be your fantasy. Don't be ashamed to communicate openly with each other about what you want. Let the pleasuring be mutual. Let your marriage bed be sacred and undefiled(Heb 13:4). Explore! Ask the Holy Spirit to guide you in the choices you'll make. He will show you how to make your sex life more and more exciting. Whatever decisions you take must have to be in agreement with your spouse. Maximize your love life today and live in God's marital splendor.N.B: Remember that I said it's between 'two' married people. Please threesomes are not allowed! It's pure sexual perversion. So inasmuch as you want to make your sex more fun, do it in a godly way. Don't just follow all the junk in the internet.
We eagerly wait for your comments. God bless you.
HOW TO KEEP YOUR LOVE LIFE FRESH AND HOT!
I've heard a man say that his relationship with his wife of over 8 yrs was now more of a brother - sister relationship. The spark, the glamour , the excitement, the flare were all gone. Is that your story?There is every tendency that if you don't deliberately work at rekindling your love everyday of your married life it could grow stale and uninteresting. Just the way we keep refreshing our love for God by spending time with Him, studying Him to know Him better via His Word, it should be same in marriage. Married life will become business as usual and you begin to see your spouse as a co-tenant instead of your lover when the spark is gone.
The question now remains:what exactly went wrong, that the two of you who were so in love suddenly don't feel that way anymore? Marriage doesn't work out itself, it will take the two of you to make it work. Okay, with that said and done, let's go back in time. What happened when you met your wife? Did you woo her in order to win her heart? What and what did you do when you strove to win her love? She fell for you, didn't she? Alright, compare then and now. Are you still giving her as much attention or you've become too busy to do this?
Here's news guys, romance doesn't cost a thing. Your wife isn't basically moved by the money. What she wants is that love and attention. As you know, we women are moved so easily by words. Those seeming insignificant and inexpensive things are all you need to keep her heart singing. When you treat her like a queen, she will in turn treat you like a king. Let me let you in on a secret: If you keep giving your wife attention to show her how much you love her, she could even empty her bank account for you just because you pressed the right buttons. She will pour out her love on you unrestrained and you will never have a dull moment with her. It's pure and simple. I'm a woman, that's how I know. Return to your first love. Treat her right and she will DEFINITELY reciprocate.
Little things that cost no money can make her tingle. Like leaving a love note on the table that reads, 'You are the best. I love you' is enough to swoon her. I will not also forget to mention that she loves surprises.
Let's go over the list of the things you used to do and compare it with now...
-Do you still study her? It will help you not to take her nor her love for granted. It will make you appreciate her in every way and her essence to you resounded. Don't ever think you've known her too well or You will start looking down on the worth of her companionship.
-Do you still watch her sleep and smile when she bats her eyes open to meet yours? Wow! It will make her feel so sexy and special.It's a romantic way to start your day.
-Do you still listen to her? It depicts you are concerned and supportive of her.So don't make light her feelings. Even if she is blabbing, listen. She only needs your shoulder to lean on. Your listening to her comforts and calms her especially when she has had a bad day. Women can so easily confide in their husband every tiny details of the day. Listen and advice her where she needs it.
-Do you still take her out on romantic outings just to be alone with her, away from the children and everything else? It proves to her you still enjoy her company and gives you both room for more intimate discussions.
-Do you still suddenly give her a peck as you both cross your paths in the house? Be spontaneous! It's sweet and romantic. She will love it. Women love spontaneity.
-Do you still give her a helping hand in the kitchen or any domestic work?
-Do you still say to her 'I love you'? Professing your love to her makes her tingle.
-Do you still hold her hand in public? It will make her feel like a trophy that you wanna show off to the world.
-Do you still call her my Love, my girl and all those wonderful fond names to used to bestow on her not just in private but also in public?
-Do you still openly admire her in front of your friends? It shows her you are proud and unashamed of her.
Do you still....do you still...do you still.....There are piles and piles of it. The summary of it all is this: keep working on your love life deliberately. Woo her everyday and she will reciprocate your love. Try out new things with her. Enjoy your marriage. The spark will surely come alive again. Free yourself. Be flexible. Don't restrict what you feel for her and she will make your home heaven. Above all, trust God through all of this. Keep Him involved in your marriage and I know things will turn around for you and the wife of your youth. It's God's will that you enjoy your union.Shalom !
When the spark is there, you just can’t wait to get home to him, to see him smile, have him hold you ‘protectively’ in his strong big arms. But like a plant left untended will die so will your love life die if you ignore it or take it for granted.
Marriage does not work itself out. It takes the two people involved to ‘deliberately’ work it out. I used the word deliberately because it is something that requires a conscious effort in order to produce results.
Couples get married, have kids (or not) and marital responsibilities start hitting them left, right and center: There are bills to pay, children to be catered for, business to manage etc, then they let the romantic side of their marriage die. When we allow ourselves to be choked by marital responsibilities and let the romantic side of our marriage suffer, marriage becomes cold, stereotyped, business as usual and excruciatingly boring. So we have to learn to balance the two because both are as important as the other. Having children around especially when they are still very young can restrain you from focusing on each other or spending quality time with each other but no matter what create time. There is always a way. That’s why it is deliberate. Make no room for distractions from family or friends. Allow nothing and no one interrupt your love flow.
So what can the couple do? When last did you steal away for a weekend getaway in a hotel away from the children? Or it could be a day off together, a dinner for two, a date at the spa or any other wonderful idea you may come up with. What matters is that you always make out time to be alone with your spouse, to talk, listen and flirt with each other *wink*. Have fun. Also remember to pray together. When God sees you both making efforts to enjoy your marriage, He will definitely lend you a hand and heal every area of your married life that may be suffering, even your sex life. It is God’s will that you enjoy your marriage not endure it.
*Waiting patiently to see your comment… yes you. *smiles*
PARENTS, PLEASE DON'T CROSS DRESS YOUR CHILDREN!
Tomorrow, when this little boy grows up behaving like a girl and wants a sex change because he feels he is a woman trapped in a man's body, they will claim he was 'born this way'. It's so wrong!
People who literally claim to be 'born this way' (homosexuals, transgenders, transvestites etc), who feel that God made a mistake, check out their past, something went wrong in their childhood. Some have been emotionally abused, raped, cross dressed etc.
So dear parents, it is really important what you do to your children cos it can influence their lives in later years. Right now is their time of flexibility, a time to mold and shape them for their tomorrow because those things are the things that will 'set' in him when he becomes an adult.
Below is the boy who was cross dressed:
LADIES: HOW TO KEEP YOUR MAN
Let me be honest with you ladies, there is no known way to make a man stay. So many people have tried different approaches, it worked for some and it didn’t for others. So I can’t come out and say, “Eureka! I have found it!”
Sometimes, we ladies do only the physical but neglect the spiritual. I believe that the spiritual controls the physical. Some things our men do is not just gonna be repaired by the physical things you are doing. It will take bringing God into it to make it happen. Because truth be told you are not guaranteed that after having done everything a good wife should do, that it is enough to keep his eyes on you only.
So keep at your part. Show him you love him and respect him.
Create that environment that makes him confident in himself. Men love their ego so enhance it by according him his due respect. It makes him feel good.
Be out to satisfy his needs. Men don’t play with their tummy and their sexual appetite.
Be his fantasies. Be creative in the bedroom, and in the kitchen as well. Try out new recipes. If you can’t cook, learn. Nobody, not even your house help or mother-in-law should cook for your man. Do it yourself.
Be active, don’t be lazy.
Be humble and submissive. It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t voice out your opinion on a matter but do it respectfully and don’t nag about it.
Love him. Give him your attention. Don’t just focus it on the children alone. Your husband is your baby and will always be so pay him close attention. Don’t make him feel neglected or you will be pushing him to seek attention elsewhere.
Don’t deny him sex. Even if you are too tired, either make him understand or just lie there and let him play. You don’t have to actively participate anyway. He will understand.
Put your man first and make your decisions with him.
Dress sexy at home (abeg not too sexy in front of the children. I didn’t send u o! Lol) Stop tying wrapper like mama Iyabo. It is also important to let you know that inasmuch as you should attimes dress provocatively when he is around for his viewing pleasure, it is also good you cover up now and then. It can make his mouth water as he imagines what you must be wearing beneath your clothes. You can still cover up and look sexy all at once. Yeah. That’s right. He is your man. Make him love what he sees.
Be faithful to him and don’t allow anyone , be it your children, your friends, or extended family, take his place. He should remain your number one (God definitely remains the indisputable number one though. Your husband is the second).
Be to him a wife, a mother, a lover, his best friend, a confidant, his pillar of support, the shoulder to lean on. Make his heart rejoice at the thought of you. And after having done all these, never stop praying for him and your marriage.
Make God the foundation of your home . A faulty foundation can make a house sink.
So having done all the ones you can do, allow God do the ones you can’t because sincerely speaking there is no guarantee that after having done all the things a good wife can do and being all he wants you to be, that he will still not cheat on you. God is the only one who can guarantee that. So do you see why I said you need God in this?
*Hope you leave me a comment. I am looking forward to it*
WHAT DO YOU SAY TO YOUR CHILDREN?
"You will never amount to anything!"
"Stupid boy! You are an abomination and a curse to me"
"Crazy girl!"
"Fool!"
"You are a bad child!"
Sometime ago, my little girl was being so fussy. She whimpered all day and I hated it. Her cries and demands were unending. I got so angry that I blurted at her, "Shut up or I will beat your so hard you will regret your life!" Automatically, I knew in my spirit that I've said something wrong to my child. Immediately, I asked the Lord to forgive me.
"Lord, I'm sorry. I take those words back", and I believe HE heard. Even a statement as common as, "What is wrong with you?" , has a snag to it. Nothing should be 'wrong' the child GOD has given you. So instead of saying that, why not say,"What is right with you?"
Instead of "You will never amount to anything", say "You will surely amount to something." So instead of angrily throwing off negative comments on your child, stop yourself, swallow and deliberately say the positive. The same energy you dispense in calling them names and speaking negativity into their spirits is also what you use when you speak the positive. So why not maximize that moment and instead 'angrily' speak good into their lives each time. In that way, with constant practice, even when you are provoked, you don't allow your anger take hold of you at the cost of your child's future. As a parent, your words, be it a blessing or a curse has great spiritual impact in the life of your growing child. So, choose your words and use them well.
I have an attitude of speaking words of blessing over my children whether they are awake or asleep.I just lie beside them and declare,
THINGS YOU DON'T KNOW THAT HAPPEN WHEN YOU CHEAT ON YOUR SPOUSE
At the that time when you are tempted, your whole body and emotions are crying, "Go!Go!Go! Just do it and be over with it.There's no harm in enjoying it this one time. 5 minutes and you are done. God is merciful. He will understand, after all body no be wood.", and your hormones are raging for gratification.Have you ever been at this point? Sex is so easy to give in to but in the end it leaves you stained and full of regret.So the best way to avoid sexual immorality to stay away from it. Sexual immorality (Pro 5:9-13) steals your honor and gives the remainder of your life to the cruel one. Strangers will obtain your wealth and you will become a slave of foreigners. Afterwards, you groan in anguish and shame when syphilis(disease) consumes your body and you say, "Oh, if only I had listened!...". It reduces you to nothing because it preys on your precious life. By engaging in sexual immorality you have only achieved in destroying your own soul. You will get wounds and dishonor. You will be guilty and your reproach will not be wiped away. "Till an arrow struck his liver...he didn't know it would cost him his life...her house is the way to hell, descending to the chambers of death." Pro 7:22,27.
Pro 6:27,28 "Can a man take fire in his bosom and his clothes not be burned? Can one walk on hot coals, and his feet not seared?". If your answer is no, then it's not possible for you to cheat on your spouse and go free.
WHY MARRIAGES DON'T LAST? THESE COULD BE THE REASONS...
One: Are you getting married for superficial reasons?
When you choose your spouse based on wealth, beauty, fame , affluence or just to be happy, then you will be building on a very shaky ground. These things are temporary and there is no assurance that they will last forever. Even if they do, it's in only in marriage that you will discover how foolish your choice had been.That those qualities didn't matter at all. They don't keep you married. If you choose a man because he is rich or a woman because she is beautiful, or due to her figure, then you will be making a huge marital mistake. If those things mattered, Jennifer Lopez, for example, would stay married. But she had kept going in and out of marriages. Is that not enough reason to choose carefully and wisely? Now when you depend on these outward features for the choice of a life partner, when they go, so will your love because your love isn't deeply rooted but rather it is based on what the person has or don't have. Those things are transient objects which can be here today and gone tomorrow. But choosing your spouse based on inner attributes which last and even go a long way in sustaining the union is what is needful at this point. Like God, don't get impressed by what you see on the outside. It's very true that as humans our first attraction is what we see. It's OK. You've seen her and you like her, get closer to know her. Is her beauty merely a camouflage of what she really is? Don't get distracted by his fame or her beauty just yet. Discover the real person inside because if you allow yourself to be swayed or misguided by the outside, it will take you just few minutes into married life to regret it. So save your self that stress.
Two: Are you entering married life with the wrong mentality?
It's important you get your mentality right before stepping into marriage else you'd learn it the hard way(like most people do). It's so easy for an unmarried person to dream of a perfect, bliss-all-the-way kind of marriage and forget that marriage, just like life, comes with its own challenges that tend to rock it either to a stand still, to a breaking point or to a higher level, depending on how you tackle it. Now when you get married with this sort of mentality where you think that married life is like courtship, you will get the greatest disappointment of your life. Marriage is a bitter sweet experience. It's not gonna be sweet all the way. Troubles will come. Your differences will come into play but what matters is how you both will be able to handle them. Doting activities may not even be as frequent as it used to be when you were courting, but take heart. It's not a sure sign that he/she loves you less. But all in all, don't neglect doting on your spouse if the spark must be retained.
Three: Are you entering into married life with a sense of purpose?
Sorry to say this, but 'love' is not enough to stay married. It's one thing to get married and it's another thing to stay married. If sexual love was enough, we wouldn't be having this high rate of divorce.Remember that these people who are divorced today got married because they were in love, so what happened?
Marriage trains us. It builds us. Marriage makes us more matured and responsible. It opens our eyes to see that sexual love isn't just enough for a couple to stay married. For a union to last it must be garnished with unconditional love(the God-kind of love that loves one without reason), tolerance (over looking your spouse's faults)and forgiveness.Ever wondered why the spate of divorce between two people who appeared so in love calling off their marriage 2 weeks, 7 months or a year later? There is much more to marriage.People tend to work so hard in retaining their relationship in courtship and then become lax about it when they get married. Now that they are committed in marriage, distractions set in,opinions clash, views differ and arguments breakout and when they fail to reach a compromise, they separate due to 'irreconcilable differences'. Funny? Marriage isn't easy.
So don't be quick to think divorce when those troubles come.They will come but don't run away. Face them. Don't give the devil the pleasure of gloating over another broken marriage, making marriage look like a farce, unimportant and a sheer waste of time. The general analogy that marriage is a prison where people who are inside want to come out and those outside want to go in is a satanic lie. Marriage is beautiful and it is meant to last forever. Don't forget, God instituted marriage and He hates divorce.
RELATIONSHIP TIPS FOR THE MARRIED: DON'T S
Is this a surprising comment to make? I will clarify myself. Have you heard of the adage that familiarity breeds contempt? It's natural for a couple to get familiar with their bodies, activities and behaviors. But don't let it get in the way of how you treat or regard your spouse. Don't stop studying your partner. Don't stop wooing your spouse. Learn something new about him/her everyday. It will keep you from taking your spouse for granted and make you begin to devalue them. But do you know that one doesn't know the value of what one has until one has lost it? Let this not be your story. Daily studying your spouse keeps you interested in him/her and makes you discover better ways to satisfy them. It's just like our relationship with God. No matter how long we have been in our relationship with Him through Christ, we should never get familiar with God. If you do, you will begin to take certain things about Him for granted. You begin to disrespect and undermine Him and clearly it will affect your relationship Him. So it is between a man and his wife.
2. Don't compare your spouse with another
This could be quite a common problem in marriages where a woman, for instance, may be comparing her husband with that of her friend."Oh! If only he can be like so so so...". So everything he now does,you weigh it against the other guy. You begin to become less appreciative of his efforts and feel antagonistic towards him. Really this can be frustrating for your spouse. You don't even notice all his efforts to make you happy. Why? You have been blinded by another so nothing he does will ever be good enough. Remember your spouse is unique. Two people can never be the same. The way he demonstrates his love and feelings may not be the same for your friend's husband. Paul said, " When they compare themselves with one another, they are most foolish... " 2 Cor 10:12. Comparison limits your spouse and overlays all the wonderful things about him. Do not forget the person you compare him with is imperfect, having his own personal issues that you don't even know about. Christ is the measure,the standard, the perfect man. So love your spouse as he/she is. Accept him/her and appreciate the unique way he/her shows his/her love for you. Don't be surprised that even your friend whom you were wishing for your husband to be more like hers, is nurturing the same thoughts for your husband. Funny, isn't it? But that is life. You will misjudge when you judge from a distance. Get close and you will see the person as he is and you may not really like him what you see. Then your eyes will be opened to the futility of such comparisons. No marriage or couple is perfect. They have their own unique challenges but the question is: how do you handle them?
RELATIONSHIP TIPS FOR THE MARRIED: DOS
Learn to commend your spouse's effort. It will lift his/her spirit and encourage him/her to do more.
2.Be open to each other
Openness ,or should I call it sincerity,builds trust between you and your spouse. Trust is a very vital marital ingredient because when it's not there can threaten or jeopardize your relationship. Secrets shouldn't exist between the two of you. See your spouse as your best friend and confidant. Feel free to tell your spouse your mind, how you feel. Share your views respectfully. Imagine what will happen when you are not open with your spouse; emotional and physical distance will be created between the two of you and a disconnection results. Distrust is built up and suspicions nurtured. When this happens, it can destroy marriages.
3.Communicate
My husband taught me about the power of communication and he sure knows how to communicate! Someone like me, I can just switch off when he makes me angry. Angry? Yes. It's bound to happen once in a while. You both are two unique individuals with differences, brought together under the umbrella of marriage, designed to complement and complete each other. So you are bound to have diverse opinions on a particular issue. This is where communication comes in. It creates an avenue for discussions and dialogue between the couple.
4.Be faithful
You should be faithful to your spouse both physically and emotionally. You don't understand? I will explain. By being faithful I mean that you should never cheat on your spouse. Faithfulness holds a great spiritual significance in marriage and when you break this faith, you simply shake the foundations of your union. Unfaithfulness is the only grounds for divorce. This is a pointer to how important faithfulness is . Unfaithfulness can destroy in a twinkle of an eye what you have labored for no matter how long you both have been married. You can be unfaithful emotionally when you nurture in your heart feelings and desires meant for your spouse alone for another person. Do you remember Matthew 5:27-28 when Lord Jesus said,"..anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart."? So don't think you have to be physically down with someone before it's termed unfaithfulness . Before God, it's cheating and has similar destructive consequences. You may say it's safer since your spouse doesn't see your heart but don't forget, God sees! For instance, a woman who had been married for about 15 years harbors desire for another man. She deliberately entertains lewd imaginations with him in her head. This had gone on over the years and her husband would never even find out unless she tells him. And if she doesn't, this painful secret will die with her. Dangerous! Check yourself. Are you emotionally unfaithful? Don't allow the devil deceive you that you can get away with it. God demands purity from us not just physically but also emotionally. When your heart is pure, everything about you will be pure. Therefore, take care of your heart and your imaginations. Filter what you absorb because they have great influence on your thoughts. When you read sex, watch porn, hear sex,talk sex, you are bound to think sex, dream sex and definitely you will want to do sex.
Now about the physical unfaithfulness , it's when one actually cheats on one's spouse by giving his/her body to another. The physical consequences are severe. See our publication on 'Things you don't know that happens when you cheat on you spouse'. It discusses the implications of unfaithfulness. Thus be faithful so as to keep your marriage secure and uncompromisable. Faithfulness is one way to experience open heavens over your marriage. See 1 Pet 3:7.
5.Keep rekindling your sex/love life,deliberately
By deliberately I mean making a conscious effort to daily refresh your sex life. If you don't, it could grow stale, stagnant and stereotyped. Lovemaking becomes boring, less fun, less exciting and more of a conjugal duty rather than conjugal pleasure. So, it's up to both of you to learn how to please yourselves. When your desire is to please your spouse, it will be easier for you. I've already discussed this under 'Creative Lovemaking and Pornography in Marriage'.
6.Forgive. Tolerate.
Now this is indispensable . Forgiving, not bearing grudges and overlooking your partner's faults strengthens your relationship. Forget the past and look towards a brighter future. Know that you nor your spouse is perfect. You both have your faults. When you have this in mind, forgiveness and tolerance will be part of you. I'm not ruling out the fact that it is not easy. It's by God's grace.
We are interested in your opinions. Please drop your reactions and comments below. Shalom and God bless you!
CREATIVE LOVEMAKING AND PORNOGRAPHY IN MARRIAGE
As a child of God, make no mistake of resorting to pornographic movies or materials as a tool to boost your sex life. Someone once complained to me about how boring his sex life was with his wife. He wondered if he should opt for pornographic movies. I told him never to try it. Pornography is a no go area even if you intend to watch it with your spouse. It's never an option in Christian marriage affairs. How do you think the Lord would feel if he walks into your sitting room and sees you and your spouse watching a pornographic movie? Do you think he'd be pleased? If not for anything, why should you a Christian choose to be tutored by worldly people in the intimate acts marriage? It's pure foolishness. I believe the Holy Spirit is able to teach us everything we need to know about having fun in love making.How do I know this? I will tell you in just a moment. Years ago, while in the University, I had a room mate who said, " Sex is so dirty! So vulgar! How can God be in it?" Sex is not dirty. It's only dirty when it involves two unmarried people. God innovated sex to be between two married people as a way to celebrate their sexual love for each other. Now if God created sex, don't you think He is able to teach you variety of ways to make love making fun?
Pornography has its implications.
-It can create in you an unbridled appetite for sexual pleasure and lust.
-It can push you into masturbation and sexual immorality. Remember this that sex is not only committed with the body, it can also be committed in the heart.
-It makes you to cheat on your spouse. Personally,I consider it unfaithfulness or cheating for a spouse to be engaged in pornography. Why? Because he is being aroused by a strange woman simply by watching it.
-It quenches the Spirit and fills you with guilt.
-It is addictive. The more you watch it, the more you want to continue even when you know it's not right and desire to break away from it. I have heard stories of married people addicted to porn. Kirk Franklin, the popular gospel musician was once severely addicted to porn. But thank God for his deliverance. Kirk Franklin was just one among many Christians who are secretly addicted to pornography . I hope in future, as God inspires us ,that we will be able to share how we can break out of this addiction. Satan has used it to enslave so many people. But God is able to deliver you if you allow Him. I know that first step to breaking from porn addiction is for you to desire to break away from it.
Here's what to do:Get busy! Read books, browse the internet on sex in Christian marriages. Get to know the different sex positions and how to please your spouse in bed. Follow the acceptable Christian principles in garnishing your love making. Let your spouse alone be your fantasy. Don't be ashamed to communicate openly with each other about what you want. Let the pleasuring be mutual. Let your marriage bed be sacred and undefiled(Heb 13:4). Explore! Ask the Holy Spirit to guide you in the choices you'll make. He will show you how to make your sex life more and more exciting. Whatever decisions you take must have to be in agreement with your spouse. Maximize your love life today and live in God's marital splendor.N.B: Remember that I said it's between 'two' married people. Please threesomes are not allowed! It's pure sexual perversion. So inasmuch as you want to make your sex more fun, do it in a godly way. Don't just follow all the junk in the internet.
We eagerly wait for your comments. God bless you.
HOW TO KEEP YOUR LOVE LIFE FRESH AND HOT!
The question now remains:what exactly went wrong, that the two of you who were so in love suddenly don't feel that way anymore? Marriage doesn't work out itself, it will take the two of you to make it work. Okay, with that said and done, let's go back in time. What happened when you met your wife? Did you woo her in order to win her heart? What and what did you do when you strove to win her love? She fell for you, didn't she? Alright, compare then and now. Are you still giving her as much attention or you've become too busy to do this?
Here's news guys, romance doesn't cost a thing. Your wife isn't basically moved by the money. What she wants is that love and attention. As you know, we women are moved so easily by words. Those seeming insignificant and inexpensive things are all you need to keep her heart singing. When you treat her like a queen, she will in turn treat you like a king. Let me let you in on a secret: If you keep giving your wife attention to show her how much you love her, she could even empty her bank account for you just because you pressed the right buttons. She will pour out her love on you unrestrained and you will never have a dull moment with her. It's pure and simple. I'm a woman, that's how I know. Return to your first love. Treat her right and she will DEFINITELY reciprocate.
Little things that cost no money can make her tingle. Like leaving a love note on the table that reads, 'You are the best. I love you' is enough to swoon her. I will not also forget to mention that she loves surprises.
Let's go over the list of the things you used to do and compare it with now...
-Do you still watch her sleep and smile when she bats her eyes open to meet yours? Wow! It will make her feel so sexy and special.It's a romantic way to start your day.
-Do you still listen to her? It depicts you are concerned and supportive of her.So don't make light her feelings. Even if she is blabbing, listen. She only needs your shoulder to lean on. Your listening to her comforts and calms her especially when she has had a bad day. Women can so easily confide in their husband every tiny details of the day. Listen and advice her where she needs it.
-Do you still take her out on romantic outings just to be alone with her, away from the children and everything else? It proves to her you still enjoy her company and gives you both room for more intimate discussions.
-Do you still suddenly give her a peck as you both cross your paths in the house? Be spontaneous! It's sweet and romantic. She will love it. Women love spontaneity.
-Do you still give her a helping hand in the kitchen or any domestic work?
-Do you still say to her 'I love you'? Professing your love to her makes her tingle.
-Do you still hold her hand in public? It will make her feel like a trophy that you wanna show off to the world.
-Do you still call her my Love, my girl and all those wonderful fond names to used to bestow on her not just in private but also in public?
-Do you still openly admire her in front of your friends? It shows her you are proud and unashamed of her.
Do you still....do you still...do you still.....There are piles and piles of it. The summary of it all is this: keep working on your love life deliberately. Woo her everyday and she will reciprocate your love. Try out new things with her. Enjoy your marriage. The spark will surely come alive again. Free yourself. Be flexible. Don't restrict what you feel for her and she will make your home heaven. Above all, trust God through all of this. Keep Him involved in your marriage and I know things will turn around for you and the wife of your youth. It's God's will that you enjoy your union.Shalom !
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