Finding it difficult to make and maintain friends? See if this helps..

Someone asked a question that some of us usually ask about making and maintaining friendships.

I picked this particular response out because I feel it makes so much sense. Lol

Question: Do I need help? Why is it that I can't keep friends for a long time, or do I have a talent of picking the wrong ones? How do you make and maintain friendships?

Response:

I have had the same problem, and while I'm still working on it, I think I've learned some things that are steps in the right direction.

It ended up being really long with the examples though.

1. Find what you have in common.

It can be where you're from, what movies you like, what you want to do in the future, what sports you like, and the like. The more time you spend with people you have common interests with, the closer you will get. You have to have a friendship before you can maintain it. You should avoid sharing what you dislike until you are closer, as people will associate you with the type of "vibes" you are sending during your hate rant, and you might accidentally say you don't like something that they do like.

2. Share experiences: Do what makes for a better story

It will not be hard to do things you both like and the more novel/fun the experience, the better friends you'll be. A small part of this will be trying new things that the other person or both of you have never tried before. It's called the Suspension Bridge effect.

3. Don't be Picky/Be Willing to Accept Unsolicited Offers

There are plenty of people who want to be friends with you and like you for who you really are. Don't miss out on a great opportunity just because they sound like the type you don't like or are hyperactive.

4. Talk about your "problems"/Ask for a favor

No matter how trivial, even if it's something you already know the answer to, ask for advice on it. If you find yourself complaining about something offhandedly or as a joke, but they try to give you advice, you must be willing to accept unsolicited advice with an "Oh, really? I'll try it." Just smile and say thank you. You don't have to listen to them, or tell them what you thought of the advice, just acknowledge the effort and change the topic. If you show you trust them, or acknowledge them as wise and experienced, they will like you subconsciously and feel closer to you for it.

People like to feel useful and needed. A strong part of our tribal ancestry is trusting and relying on people in the tribe. By doing so, the tribe forms a strong, tight-knit community. Benjamin Franklin often asked people to do tasks for him that he easily could have done himself, and that was how he made friends and kept them. It is called the Franklin effect sometimes.

Ex. I talked to everyone I met in the first 2 weeks of college to make as many friends as possible before everyone got into a rut. Only a few people still talked to me the next month, and they were people who I had asked directions from, or asked about classes and little stuff.

The best part of this trick is you don't need to completely trust anyone. As long as you need help and ask for it, even if you haven't given a drop of trust, it feels like trust to them.

5. Manipulate (sort of)

What I usually do is think of strangers as friends I just haven't met yet. I treat everyone as if they are friends, and the ones that respond as the people who I hang out with now in college and legitimately trust with my issues. The people who don't respond aren't worth my time or effort to maintain this facade with and aren't to be trusted.

In essence, you should "fake it until it becomes real." Treat people the way you want to treat your friends. Expect them to act like the friend you want, and they will. They will try to fulfill the role they think is expected of them if you give them the cues for that role.

Ex. One of my new friends (from those first 2 weeks of college) would usually take laundry home and let her parents do it. I mentioned how I never went home (as an out of state student) to guilt trip her a little because I'm mean/cynical like that. I was surprised one day when she came to me asking to teach her how to do laundry in the dorm's laundry mat. What I said had deeply affected her, and she didn't want to rely as much on her parents anymore. She asks me to hang out with her all the time and we have fun. (I'm the first person she calls when she has a problem in the dorm now, which leads to #6.)

6. Friendship is a two way street (How to MAINTAIN)

You can't expect friends to stay with you if you only put in effort at the beginning. You have to be a good friend to have good friends. That means you have to act like the type of friend to others that you want. Send out the signals that you are trustworthy, want to do stuff, and are available to do them. Rejecting invites is a no-no to be avoided as much as possible, lest you become a prude or a flake. You should also invite people to stuff (even if you don't wanna or can't go). If you don't, then you're always receiving, which is boring. It's a constant give and take.

If it's a problem I can solve, then I guess I should tell how. I'm not gonna fix their lives for them but you get as much as you give. It's a mutual time investment; that's why you should do it.

Even though I was (and still am a little) mean, I gave people something they weren't getting from anyone else, so they wanted to be my friend.

Now am I an expert on friendship? No. Do I 'just get people'? No! But do I have friends? Yes.

If a calculative person like me can have friends, you can, too.

Culled from Quora